...if my parents suspect anything, since I have never brought home and/or even talk about girls.
...if my close cousins, that I hang out with often, suspects anything.
...if my close friends suspect anything because I have never really talked about girls with them and, like my parents, they have never seen me with a girl.
...how different my life would be if I was out.
...if I will ever meet the right person and be able to live a life with lying to myself and the rest of the world.
...if others find me at least somewhat decent looking, because I do not.
...how my parents, family and friends would take it when and even if I ever come out.
...would my parents be as accepting as Tim's parents were, CONGRADS Tim.
...what it would be like to have brothers and/or sisters, someone that I can talk to, not about this stuff but just about things in general.
...if I will ever have the balls to go to a gar bar or event.
...how many others out there are in the same situation that I am in and feel the same way I do.
...if there really is such a thing as gay vibes, if so
...if I give off a gay vibe and can anyone pick up on it.
...when will I stop being such a sensitive little beyotch.
...when will I stop giving a f@#$ of what others think of me and start living my life.
...will I ever be attracted to girls in that way
...what are people's first impression of me.
...will I ever meet, in person, with any of the bloggers I have been chatting with for the past few months.
...when will Matt Leinart realize he is gay and becomes my boyfriend.
...will I ever become more talkative because I can't carry a conversation if my life depended on it, doesn't matter if its online, on the phone or in person I suck at it.
...what life as in store for me in next 5, 10, 20 years.
*This is my 100th post, I never thought I would reach this mark.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I Wonder...
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9 comments:
Instead of wondering if this and if that, don't you think you should start wondering the whys?
...you haven't told the family you love and who loves you?
...you haven't told your friends?
...you think it's alright to lie to people in your life?
...you are comfortable walking around each day pretending to be someone?
I am all for people socially evolving at their own pace. Some things just aren't ready to be introduced into someone's life, and especially the gay thing which has landed more than a few people in hot water. But I also advocate internal thoughts that are more progressive than the average person. Look at it from other viewpoints...you're not the only person who may lose when it comes to coming out.
And for the last item, that's all up to you. Start planning now.
Hi -- Like you, I am an only child, just recently out to my friends. When I was your age, I could barely grasp the concept of being gay, much less actually coming out. Now I'm almost 40 and life is very differnt and very much the same. The parents are the hardest part. Mine don't know about me. Or if they suspect, then they do so with denial. It sounds like you have a lot of people in your life that you care a great deal about. That's a good thing. Consider letting some of your friends know. I underestimated my friends terribly for over 10 years. I assumed they would hate me or think I was a complete freak and they did no such thing. They responed in love. I understand the thing with the parents, but let your friends love you for who you really are.
I wonder so much of that stuff too...
I think some of us bloggers in the LA area should meet up. That could be pretty cool to meet so many guys in the same situation.
Good post!
wow, I also think of most of these things on a nearly daily basis. I really like this post.
Twin....my man....i think about almost the EXACT same things on a daily basis. One day, hopefully soon, we will get thru all this shit.
Congrats on your 100th post, thats crazy!
P.S. I think I'm coming to LA in Nov...I told JR...you better get ready for my arrival.
Congrats on the 100th post... I agree with Jake's comment. Everyone goes through the same battle its up to you to stop asking the questions and start finding the solution.
You can do it!
there is a lot of things you can do instead of wondering without even being totally out. You are in LA, and there is a lot of resources at your disposal. You can make a change immediately if you want to. It is really how much you want to change instead wondering if anything could change.
Only you know what's best. If you want to be out, be out. If your family cannot handle it, maybe it's better to compartmentalize that part of your life. You know best how to deal with your family. Not people on the internet.
No, you won't ever be attracted to girls in "that way." There's one you know for sure!
I hope you can find the courage to come out a bit more. Millions of others have done it before you, and it isn't nearly as bad as you think.
Don't you live in a major metropolitan area? I mean, it's 2007. What's the deal?
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